Day 299: Haha…. But Not Really..

Hello Future Self,

This world is whack.

It is amusing just how fucked everything is.

On a lighter note, it’s been a good day for me.

I can see I am getting a little better every day.

I’m still lost, the things happening in the lives of the whole family are enough to make one keel over but we’ll survive.

What other choice is there?


Day 297: I Don’t Know What To Title You

Hello Future Self,

Sorry I’m a little late today but Hockey.

So, yesterday… I encountered something that made me take a hard look at myself.

I am healthy, with all my limbs intake, yes my eyesight leaves much to be desired but I am functional.

So how do I fail so colossally at life?

And that got me to thinking, what does winning at life mean to me?

What is my idea of what makes life worth lived when I’m dying?

What will I remember of this existence?

What will be the moments that my brain chooses to comfort me in my final seconds?

And that led to thinking of dying and it all went downhill from there.

I think that’s enough for today so…


Day 295: L’enfant terrible

Hello Future Self,

You know that feeling when you know you’ve been particularly terrible?

Today was Mom’s birthday.

Through a series of well crafted lies that I don’t regret, I had the day off from work today.

The plan was to go and buy her a few gifts, the money is available.

Hell, even my foolish brother who lives in another city had gifts shipped.

What stopped me from purchasing these gifts you ask?

I’m lazy. That’s it. The whole reason.

What piles on the guilt even more is the fact that I got so many gifts for my own wretched birthday as a show of love from my family.

I should have made an effort.

I feel like a shitty offspring.


Day 294: A Tale Of Woe

Hello Future Self,

In the morning, I lost my keys and was locked inside the house with everyone gone.

I searched and searched, no dice.

Discovered much later after I’d found another ways out, I had the keys in my robe.

What a dweeb.

Ordinary days like this one, sans the lost keys, make me really content and happy.

In other news, tomorrow we celebrate mom’s birthday.

I have no gifts to give her.


Day 293: Optimism, Thy Name Is Me..

Hello Future Self,

You know how indecisive I can be about a future that was mythical for me until a few days ago?

I have a plan.

And unlike all other other plans before it, this can actually work.

For the first time, I am invested in seeing it work.

Because of this new outlook, I have to ask Future Self, are you okay?

Are you doing well?

Are you Happy where you ended up?

I haven’t disappointed you again, have I?


Day 292: Ramblings

Hello Future Self,

There are days like today where I look at all the nonsense in this world and think, this can’t be real.

Days like these can make one believe in the Simulation hypothesis because only a truly diabolical mind can come up with the world we live in and all its trappings.

On a more personal note, I have been fine today.

I still don’t know where I’m going but….