Day 167: Memory Is A Fickle Thing

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Hello Future Self,

When you are where I am, what are the next steps to take?

Today, memories from times long gone have been swirling around my mind nonstop.

Moments that I remember with Cristal clarity, where I was, the weather and every single detail, clear.

I wonder, what did these moments have that was so important to my psche that I still remember them so well when I don’t remember the beginning of this month or last week.

On another note, I should probably have been using dates instead of days here.

There was a particular memory I want to revisit but I don’t know which day it was.

Goodnight.

Day 164: In The Grand Scheme Of Things,..

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Hello Future Self,

You know, people are always saying, it’s okay not to be okay.

Future Self, I am here to tell you the grim truth that the world is indifferent to you.

What seems so monumental to you today is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

You can die today and the world will continue on.

Your life is, in the end, only as meaningful as you make it.

Goodnight.

Day 163: Death Is Expensive

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Hello Future Self,

It is a sad day indeed when you have to face the reality of the fact that you are incapable of change and you will always be as you have been all your life.

I was thinking to myself today, I want to be better but I’m reluctant to put in the work to make that into a reality so what can I do?

I can die but I am very cowardly and I also don’t have the pleasure of religion and faith that I will have another life after this.

I will die, whether by my own hands or something else and that will be the end of my story.

But is it a story worth telling?

Worth anything?

If I died today, the only thing worth thinking about is the cost of the funeral for my family.

They don’t have the money for it, neither do I.

Useless in death as I am in life.

Goodnight.

Day 162: Oh Money, Where You Be At?

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Hello Future Self,

There’s just so much to say Future Self that I am actually failing to phrase everything properly and in a way that make sense.

I know we are in a global pandemic that has caused immeasurable destruction to so many lives and I haven’t really felt the effects because I’m a moocher as it were.

The main thing is, I need money Future Self, preferably right now and I don’t know how to get it.

I have nothing.

Goodnight.

Day 160: I’m Pissed

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Hello Future Self,

As you grow older, it seems inevitable that you begin to see your parents as mere humans with their own mistakes and regrets.

I love my parents but I dislike them greatly.

Sometimes, like today, this ball of resentment I have for them is uncontrollable.

They are weak in the sense that they never stick to the decisions they make.

They are so easy to scam and being led by their noses.

It’s foolishness.

I just had to get that off my chest because I am Disappointed in them and who they are as people.

I know that they have good intentions and it’s never their plan or hope to be duped but it’s too much.

I would say what hope do I have when I am surrounded by such mediocrity but I’m not in the business of blaming others for my own failures.

Goodnight.

Day 159:…

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Hello Future Self,

I have had too much happening in this head of mine today that I don’t actually know what’s going on.

Goodnight.

What I can tell you with certainty is that this world is full of foolish people and unfortunately, I happen to be one.

P.S: I’m still trying to somehow connect to this existince. Sometimes I’m so sure that I must be dreaming.