Hello Future Self
It’s Mother’s Day Today.
I watched My Hero Academia
It’s been a good day.
Goodnight.
Day 360: Why Do I Always Disappoint You?
Hello Future Self
News… My foolish brother has come over to visit for their weekend.
I’m glad.
Future Self, I always hear people say, you can start over at any age.
You aren’t done until you’re dead.
I have no such hopes.
I address you as a stranger because I somehow hope that you have moved past me, past this thing I am right now.
But as I get closer to saying goodbye to you, I can see that there’s been no change to the person I was a year ago.
I am still weak, spineless and useless as I’ve always been.
I guess some people are just incapable of change.
Goodnight.
Day 359:…
Hello Future Self
Sometimes it’s best to see only the things that bind us together than what pulls us apart.
Goodnight.
Day 358: A Future Unseen, Unknown, Unimagined
Hello Future Self
You know, a few times I have come on here and proudly told you:
“I HAVE FOUND MY PURPOSE “
in sure you have realized by nowhere that it’s been utter nonsense.
At the base of it, I want to be useful.
The world is too full of people used to just taking and consuming.
I am one such person.
Future Self, I am utterly terrified about what the future looks like for you.
As I am at this moment in time, and I was a gambling person, I wouldn’t hedge anything of value against me.
I am just a sad, mostly unfeeling bag of meat.
Unable or merely Unwilling to come to terms with my own existence.
On that lovely note, I bid you….
Goodnight.
Day 357: And So…
Hello Future Self
Why am I like this I wonder.
Yes I can clearly track the trajectory that brought me here but it’s hard to understand.
The world goes on, I don’t.
I’m stuck here, in a prison of my own making all the time.
And I’m too lazy and useless to actually try to change anything and isn’t that just sad?
Goodnight.
Day 356:…
Hello Future Self
Anger can serve as quite the motivation for a lot of things.
Despite that opening statement, no I am not angry.
I have now gone back to my numb state of being as usual.
PS: Do not trust a “Normal” person.
In this fucked up world we live in, no one is and those pretending to be are wasting all our nonexistent time.
Goodnight
Day 355: Can We Mourn The Living?
Hello Future Self
Sometime next week, your chapter in my life will be closed.
I feel I must get everything out in the days I have remaining with you.
The date is 03 May 2021.
The mistakes we make have far reaching consequences for those around us.
I got news in the morning that my brother could have been killed as no one was able to find him.
It was a very real possibility and something that we all expect to happen one of these days.
He is troubled, more so than me.
I fear we don’t know how to help him.
The parents are already mourning him as if he’s already dead.
I am careless with my existence but it’s contained to myself.
I have ensured to limit my existence to a very small circle of people.
I cannot kill myself but I have not come to grips that I’m alive.
He has gone the other way.
Goodnight.
Day 354: Try…. Be Afraid
Hello Future Self
Fear makes us do interesting things.
Things we never thought ourselves capable of.
Sometimes, it’s only when you’re truly terrified that you see things as they are, not as they appear to be.
Goodnight.
Day 353: Unachievable
Hello Future Self
When it gets cold, even just a little bit cold, I get extreme Pernio and my hands hurt like hell.
Also me, I speak of and have a fervent desire to live near the arctic.
Now I know I’m not all that stupid, so is this desire real or is it something I use as a shield?
Knowing it can never come to pass so I can never fail at it?
Goodnight.
Day 352:…
Hello Future Self
What if?….
Goodnight
